The Locking Life of Lil b

Locking lifestyle

Abbey Road Cam

I was researching Beatles music this morning and came across a live cam for Abbey Road. It’s a dream of mine to walk this street one day.

http://beatlesarama.com/cam-abbey-road/

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November 4, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Lil b’s Game

After months of anticipating it due to my sister and Jossle I finally got to glue my eyes to a theater full of Ender’s Game. I had never read any of the books before. Which is strange to me because I remember running my finger through the spine of it often in middle school and never flipped through it. It has the word GAME in it…what’s wrong with you lil lil b?

The movie was Stupendous! It had me on the edge of my seat practically the entire time which started at the beginning movie quote:

“In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him.”

Ender’s Game resounded with me and my own life style perceptions – private and public. It’s still ridiculous to me that I’ve never once read the books or knew nothing about them. Watching this movie made me feel like I was watching myself. I found that to be a strange thought from it’s inception but was more at ease about it after I started reading the book. Orson Scott Card said himself that the readers that truly impacted him were the ones that not saw Ender’s Game as a story of fiction, but, saw themselves in Ender’s Game. I didn’t read the book and I saw a mirror instead of a movie screen.

I was telling Ben earlier that there were 2 things on my mind after the movie ended.

#1: There are people that relate to this story frame-by-frame page-by-page. I’m going to love those people forever. Especially in defeat.

#2: For all the souls that cannot comprehend or relate.. I feel a bit sad and envious of them. Sad because the world isn’t built for everyone to be on top. Envious because sometimes it seems easier not to be.

Ever since I was 3 years old my quote to life was: “Everything is a Game.” and just like in EG I’ve known it’s not just how you win; it’s WHY.

I saw the mirror of my past and my childlike wonder in that story. I clarify because I did not see my present self. I saw the result of temporary failure. The mirror of my future does not bode well if I continue down my path like this. I need to be better. I am already better.

It’s a pain for me to presently work on my weaknesses so i’m focusing on my strengths. For example: I am awful at being without a schedule causing me to have sleeping disorders. And by disorder, I mean I sleep when the sun comes up and wake up whenever my body feels the need to. Sad to say, it doesn’t need to enough. For my strength i’m good at pre-improvised training. While i’m reading I take breaks to workout/train after every chapter. Side note reminder: Need to throw stretching into that mix.

Another strength that’s been long forgotten is writing. I miss blogging terribly. I’ve missed it because i’ve been terribly afraid of it which in turn is now finding it’s way into my dance. 2 fears in particular and I should find out if there are actual names for these things. Fear of fake props and fear of failing others expectations. Notice how both of those are external factors? This needs to end. Because it’s the intrinsic and internal factors that matter. The fun and joy of it all. Lest not forget the process of internal affirmations through experiences.

Oh Toys R Us’ child at heart…where’d you go? I miss you so. Seems like it’s been forever since you’ve been gone.

A noticeable difference between the circumstances of Ender and myself is the need of the one. As it stands I don’t believe that any individual or organization needs me for a particular skill set. I’m not being groomed for the greater good by anyone other than myself. Nor am I at this point being coached or watched over by that of a “father figure”. This is a sad thing to admit and to realize. One because it’s never been more true because I shy away and keep to myself far too often than sanely required and two because it ends up that Lorrie was right about it. It’s a shame to realize what’s been missing long after it’s been gone. That last one hits the heart for multiple reasons.

To sum it up i’m (again) inspired by the big picture. Literally. I am already in the process of reorganizing myself in my way. I keep feeling like i’m failing society expectations so i’m going to take some time to myself and rebuild trust that my way can be my right way. Up to a certain point of course. Then i’ll play YOUR game. I’ll read the rules and observe until that day. But let it be known i’ll never be defeated two out of three.

GG.

November 4, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Keep on going

Even when the main character of the story takes a bullet or two the story doesn’t end. He keeps on going until he saves the day.

 

This bullet hurts but i’ll play it cool.

 

She’s happy now. Deshou?

July 3, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

“THE MIND must always be in the state of ‘flowing,’ for when it stops anywhere that means the flow is interrupted and it is this interruption that is injurious to the well-being of the mind. In the case of the swordsman, it means death.

When the swordsman stands against his opponent, he is not to think of the opponent, nor of himself, nor of his enemy’s sword movements. He just stands there with his sword which, forgetful of all technique, is ready only to follow the dictates of the unconscious. The man has effaced himself as the wielder of the sword. When he strikes, it is not the man but the sword in hand of the unconscious that strikes.”

-JOE HYAM, Zen in the Martial Arts.

March 20, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Welcome back to the beginning of the end.

There’s finally a literal time in my life that my past self is going to educate my present self. I had completely 100% forgotten that this blog even exists. I randomly checked to see if I had a login for wordpress and lo-and behold here I am. Typing into a very unfamiliar box but thankfully it’s a comfortable one. I say that because I never really enjoyed typing into Livejournal and Tumblr. But I LOVED typing into Pitas and Xanga.

I’ve only taken a glance at the last few posts that I had and i’m already feeling like my old self is actively teaching me how to grow again. That Hayley Taylor song is a real tear-jerker and I remember who I was thinking of at the time that made me think “As water, I will make a better future”.

But I digress..

“We lose ourselves so that we may find ourselves again”

This is one of those times.

Over the past year, through means I don’t feel comfortable at the moment sharing on here, I lost myself. So here I am reclaiming what was lost to build towards a better me. Of course this process comes with new understandings and new lessons too. Perhaps reclaiming is the wrong word now that I think about it..

Yes, it’s time to start over again from the beginning. It’s time for my second red star. A new story with an old and updated drive. A new beginning! A new me. I will allow myself one more dream to comfortably unattach myself to my past I was unable to forgive myself and others for. And then it begins!

“So will you teach me again from the beginning? From how to bob my head on beat?”

I’m so glad i’ve finally remembered..

Life = Dance

March 12, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

All it can take…

I realized something today at Lipo Lounge while being in the circle with SPC (Switchstep, Invent), BopNtodd, Kem, and the other bboys. Finding inspiration this year hasn’t necessarily been hard for me because I seem to find it without looking. Thankful for my new outlook on life for that one.

But I realized that sometimes all it can take is:
a beat,
a rhythm
a melody
a lyric,
a dance,
a move,
a groove,
a musical note,
a crowd,
a vibe,
a chance,
a cypher,

etc…
to make me feel like I have so much more I need and WANT to work on.

After seeing some of the dancers and getting down myself, a few things I felt that I want to work on was self-control, discipline, comfortability, patience, and aura.

And what occurred to me was that it didn’t necessarily relate just to dancing. But, if we look at a few of those aspects in dancing terms I feel that they are all necessities for myself when I dance and express myself. Just another way for me to relate life and dance!

Overtime there’s a quote that I live by that is slowly becoming more and more true and the feelings can be overwhelming. Without going too much into detail right now, the quote is:

“Dancers are sad people because their dreams never really come true. Every time they improve and attain their goals they always want to get EVER BETTER! —Seen-san.

At this point every time I work on something I know I can always do it better. And I know that there is ALWAYS something else to be working on. Don’t get me wrong, this is an amazing feeling to constantly stay hungry for growth in a variety of ways.

I’m so thankful for all of these inspirations and opportunities available to me that allow to live out attempting to achieve my dreams.

December 20, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Last month of 2010

So it’s finally December after such an amazing year. I’m excited to really be able to look back on this year and gauge my improvements, changes, and transitions that I know have transpired over the last few months.

It truly feels like the first year where i’m applying everything i’ve ever learned in life to the moment. It grants me eternal sanity and peace in the now regardless if i’m thinking about the present, future, or past.

Well anyway, I took a few weeks off from a lot of things just to give myself a breather. I spent almost everyday being so obsessed with life and dance. Constantly thinking about things questioning everything and finding trouble sleeping because i’d find so much joy in my thoughts. Life has become so fun this year. SO fun that I honestly feel it caused my insomnia. But like I said I tried to give myself a little break from all that just to also give myself a different perspective. Going back to how I used to be for a few weeks has done wonders.

I realize that I don’t necessarily want to be an all or nothing kind of person. All-or-nothing is easy. It’s finding and maintaining a gray area that I know is challenging for me.

But i’m getting so much out of life that I don’t want to spread myself too thin. I missed my old gamer life when I was out traveling and dancing. And when i’m home just going about those gamer habits I do sometimes feel I should still be working on maintaining my body, practicing, dancing, or researching more music, etc.

And then there’s school. Man I freaking love learning right now. If it’s not the lessons i’m getting out of school it’s just out of my curiosity in things and looking em up and studying. up on them. Reminds me how I’ve yet to post about my relating Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle to dance concepts.

Damn way tired after playing cata tonight. Can’t believe I just spend $100 on blizzard games this week. But i’m having way fun anyway. Just gotta manage my time and sleep better for sure.

Definitely planning on blogging a ton tomorrow tho.

December 20, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

80’s Funk Session at Mission

Before I forget I wanted to mention that I had a freaking awesome session with Romy, Will, Josh, Josh, and Ceech earlier at mission.

Josh just straight up played dope 80’s tracks that we’ll never ever get to battle. But the vibe was amazing. I was totally digging the way Romy was feeling out these tracks, Will’s playfulness and creativity, and Josh’s energy and patience in his moves. I tried applying what I saw in their rounds to my own and I had a blast going through that because of them. That’s what vibing out and sharing is all about in the cypher!

Though I can feel a lot I still need to improve and even things I need to work on again. I need to start drilling again because I can feel a lot of my body starting to atrophy. Particularly my legs (knees) and a lot of my left side. Also I need to be more patient with the music and with my movements even if I feel like being daring with creativity on the spot. I need to set up a steady underlying groove and apply that to my rounds more. I’d like to get that down a bit more consistently.

All new things to continuously work on! Gets me excited and hype for the next session

December 8, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Utada Live Concert Stream

Tonight right when I was going to go to sleep I was reminded of Utada Hikaru’s live concert stream. I was so very into her in high school and I still love a lot of her music today.

For the most part I was getting down to a lot of her songs. Minus like Across the Universe cover. But getting down and feeling out songs like Automatic, Time Will Tell, First Love, Beautiful World…man that was extraordinary. Also because it was somewhat live it felt great.

She’s an amazing performer and i’m go grateful that I got to see it. The joy that she expressed in front of being in front of all of those audience members was exhilarating to see. She had such a powerful, positive aura and presence. And her smile and her eyes towards the end…I can understand what she’s feeling. And it just left me in awe state of inspiration. That’s exactly where I want to get to one day. To be on a stage to feel what she felt at that moment. To embrace the love, energy, and vibe of the crowd.

A lot of things in my life serve as a a reminder for what I’m aiming for in my future. This is a huge one to have seen and felt even tho it was through a PC monitor.

I’m just so incredibly re-inspired again.
But what can I say? It’s automatic =)
and Time will Tell 😉

December 8, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Last month of 2010

So it’s finally December after such an amazing year. I’m excited to really be able to look back on this year and gauge my improvements, changes, and transitions that I know have transpired over the last few months.

It truly feels like the first year where i’m applying everything i’ve ever learned in life to the moment. It grants me eternal sanity and peace in the now regardless if i’m thinking about the present, future, or past.

Well anyway, I took a few weeks off from a lot of things just to give myself a breather. I spent almost everyday being so obsessed with life and dance. Constantly thinking about things questioning everything and finding trouble sleeping because i’d find so much joy in my thoughts. Life has become so fun this year. SO fun that I honestly feel it caused my insomnia. But like I said I tried to give myself a little break from all that just to also give myself a different perspective. Going back to how I used to be for a few weeks has done wonders.

I realize that I don’t necessarily want to be an all or nothing kind of person. All-or-nothing is easy. It’s finding and maintaining a gray area that I know is challenging for me.

But i’m getting so much out of life that I don’t want to spread myself too thin. I missed my old gamer life when I was out traveling and dancing. And when i’m home just going about those gamer habits I do sometimes feel I should still be working on maintaining my body, practicing, dancing, or researching more music, etc.

And then there’s school. Man I freaking love learning right now. If it’s not the lessons i’m getting out of school it’s just out of my curiosity in things and looking em up and studying. up on them. Reminds me how I’ve yet to post about my relating Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle to dance concepts.

Damn way tired after playing cata tonight. Can’t believe I just spend $100 on blizzard games this week. But i’m having way fun anyway. Just gotta manage my time and sleep better for sure.

Definitely planning on blogging a ton tomorrow tho.

December 8, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment