The Locking Life of Lil b

Locking lifestyle

Abbey Road Cam

I was researching Beatles music this morning and came across a live cam for Abbey Road. It’s a dream of mine to walk this street one day.


November 4, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Lil b’s Game

After months of anticipating it due to my sister and Jossle I finally got to glue my eyes to a theater full of Ender’s Game. I had never read any of the books before. Which is strange to me because I remember running my finger through the spine of it often in middle school and never flipped through it. It has the word GAME in it…what’s wrong with you lil lil b?

The movie was Stupendous! It had me on the edge of my seat practically the entire time which started at the beginning movie quote:

“In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him.”

Ender’s Game resounded with me and my own life style perceptions – private and public. It’s still ridiculous to me that I’ve never once read the books or knew nothing about them. Watching this movie made me feel like I was watching myself. I found that to be a strange thought from it’s inception but was more at ease about it after I started reading the book. Orson Scott Card said himself that the readers that truly impacted him were the ones that not saw Ender’s Game as a story of fiction, but, saw themselves in Ender’s Game. I didn’t read the book and I saw a mirror instead of a movie screen.

I was telling Ben earlier that there were 2 things on my mind after the movie ended.

#1: There are people that relate to this story frame-by-frame page-by-page. I’m going to love those people forever. Especially in defeat.

#2: For all the souls that cannot comprehend or relate.. I feel a bit sad and envious of them. Sad because the world isn’t built for everyone to be on top. Envious because sometimes it seems easier not to be.

Ever since I was 3 years old my quote to life was: “Everything is a Game.” and just like in EG I’ve known it’s not just how you win; it’s WHY.

I saw the mirror of my past and my childlike wonder in that story. I clarify because I did not see my present self. I saw the result of temporary failure. The mirror of my future does not bode well if I continue down my path like this. I need to be better. I am already better.

It’s a pain for me to presently work on my weaknesses so i’m focusing on my strengths. For example: I am awful at being without a schedule causing me to have sleeping disorders. And by disorder, I mean I sleep when the sun comes up and wake up whenever my body feels the need to. Sad to say, it doesn’t need to enough. For my strength i’m good at pre-improvised training. While i’m reading I take breaks to workout/train after every chapter. Side note reminder: Need to throw stretching into that mix.

Another strength that’s been long forgotten is writing. I miss blogging terribly. I’ve missed it because i’ve been terribly afraid of it which in turn is now finding it’s way into my dance. 2 fears in particular and I should find out if there are actual names for these things. Fear of fake props and fear of failing others expectations. Notice how both of those are external factors? This needs to end. Because it’s the intrinsic and internal factors that matter. The fun and joy of it all. Lest not forget the process of internal affirmations through experiences.

Oh Toys R Us’ child at heart…where’d you go? I miss you so. Seems like it’s been forever since you’ve been gone.

A noticeable difference between the circumstances of Ender and myself is the need of the one. As it stands I don’t believe that any individual or organization needs me for a particular skill set. I’m not being groomed for the greater good by anyone other than myself. Nor am I at this point being coached or watched over by that of a “father figure”. This is a sad thing to admit and to realize. One because it’s never been more true because I shy away and keep to myself far too often than sanely required and two because it ends up that Lorrie was right about it. It’s a shame to realize what’s been missing long after it’s been gone. That last one hits the heart for multiple reasons.

To sum it up i’m (again) inspired by the big picture. Literally. I am already in the process of reorganizing myself in my way. I keep feeling like i’m failing society expectations so i’m going to take some time to myself and rebuild trust that my way can be my right way. Up to a certain point of course. Then i’ll play YOUR game. I’ll read the rules and observe until that day. But let it be known i’ll never be defeated two out of three.


November 4, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment